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The other night my boys and I stopped in at the local mall to exchange a few pairs of shorts and pick up some new clothes for the summer. Nordstroms was still having its sale for kids so I thought it would be a great opportunity to pick up a few things and save dome money on clothes my kids grow out of in what seems like weeks nowadays. Thankfully my boys don't mind heading off to Nordi's because they love to laugh at the women who walk the isles carrying little dogs in over sized purses (I am not making fun of these women...I typically date them - the young ones of course).
My boys love telling jokes to one another about how funny it would be if the woman reached into her purse and found poop or pee. Quite often they will make farting sounds and then scream like girls about dog poop on their hands. Very high brow humor....
Once we left good ole' Nordi's we took a quick tour of the Quicksilver store which is always a mistake, but since we had shorts to exchange I had no choice. You see, now that my boys are a little older they have replaced their "I want this and I want that" at Toys R Us with "Dude, that shirt is fresh or that board is so dope" at places like Quicksilver. At times I actually wish I was back in those Toys R Us days and buying my boys $9 action figures instead of figuring out how long I can go without food so I can afford the $45 T-Shirts they want today. After and hour of constantly threatening all three boys with their very lives if they didn't quit touching everything in the store and begging my son to stop making farting sounds while he was in the dressing room we all decided we should give the mall employees a break and find some place to have dinner.
One of the greatest things about Hooters is the ability to seat yourself. Now, as any Hooters patron knows, choosing a seat at Hooters is critical to the Hooter experience and my boys and I have gotten this important decision down to a science. This is how it works:
1. Dad stands in the front of Hooters acting nonchalant and politely smiling at the waitresses.
2. Boys head to the back on the restaurant as though they are looking for the restroom.
3. Boys slowly make their way to the front.
4. On said journey, these very acute young lads take mental note of the waitresses who are working and what table those waitresses are covering.
5. Boys return to Dad and report on said hotness of waitresses.
6. We all come to an agreement on where the hottest waitress is working and then sit in her section.
This process is pure science and my boys are great at it.
Once we had our spot we sat down and did our best not to look like we were taking in the scenery while we were doing our best to actually take in the scenery. The night progressed like any other night. The boys ordered their wings, played their PSP's and Dad watched some baseball.
Just as we were about to pay our check and leave my 6yr old noticed the "I Love Hooters" sticker on the bottom of my 11yr old's PSP and the rest as they say is history....
"How did you get that sticker?" He asked.
"The waitress gave it to me."
"No fair. I want one." My 6yr old responded.
"Then ask her for one."
"Yeah chicken, ask her for one." My 10yr old chimed in.
"If you want one you have to tell her you love Hooters. That is the only way she will give it to you." My 11yr old stated.
At this point I would normally jump in, but the older boys had done such a great job at keeping their cool and not laughing that I decided to go with it. I was pretty sure my youngest would wise up and not go with the 'I love Hooters' line so, in my personal dedication to the art of the burn I just let the joke play out......
"If I tell you I love Hooters can I have a sticker?" My 6yr old asked.
The young blond waitress gave my son her 'I'm only being nice for a tip' smile and said to him, "No sweetie, you don't have to say you love Hooters just to get a sticker or a balloon."
My son smiled back and said, "Cool, cause Hooters is fun, but I just really wanted a balloon. The last time I was here all you had was stickers."
"Well, we have both tonight" She said. "How about this cutie, I would be willing to give you and your brothers stickers and balloons if you did say you loved Hooters."
My son looked at the young waitress, looked at me and then looked back at the waitress and smiled his best smile and let that gleam in his eyes shine then said, "I am not sure if I really like Hooters yet, but because my dad thinks you're the hottest girl in here I will say I definitely love Hooters."
Dad got a phone number and all three boys received stickers and balloons. Have I mentioned lately how much I love my boys........
This is my life.
This is rDads Life.
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