At some point during the evening I think I was not only robbed, but also drugged. I fell asleep twice during the movie so I have to imagine one of the pimply faced, teenage concession stand attendees put something in my bottle of water. Admittidly I was actually gullible enough to allow my boys and their friends to buy movie theater candy so I won't hold that $37 debacle against Steve Martin. I would however like my $45 price of admission back. My dignity is something that will never be replaced. Damn you Steve Martin!
My boys thankfully spared me the painful experience of the first Pink Panther and after seeing the second installment of this series I can see why my mother came home after watching the first one and practically drank herself to death. When I stated earlier that I actually fell asleep during this film I wasn't kidding. I know Steve Martin is playing the bumbling Inspector Clouseau and he is supposed to be clumsy and dimwitted. I get that. But, the original Pink Panther series was actually funny (at times). There wasn't a single moment during this film that I actually smirked let alone laughed.
I can understand why Steve Martin is making these Pink Panther movies. His career has tanked and he knows there really aren't anymore roles in his future backed by a script that is actually funny. Steve Martin and Eddie Murphy are passengers in the same car heading down the same one way road leading off a very steep cliff. Neither of them are funny and the movies they make continually suck. Norbit and Mixed Nuts? Who green lights this shit?
I actually give Jean Reno a pass on this one. Sure he was amazing in The Professional and Ronin, but roles for French actors in the states are limited. I am sure the nightmares he has of waking up only to realize he is reliving Gerard Depardieu's life is punishment enough. He doesn't need me piling on him. And, I understand why John Cleese took this role as well. His movie checks haven't been the same since Fish Called Wanda so I am sure he takes handouts where and whenever he can get them.
Aishwarya Rai also gets a pass because she is insanely hot and as a "Bollywood" actor she is just trying to make a name for herself in the U.S. anyway she can. My suggestion to her is do your career a favor and make it as a serious actress in America you need to follow Angelina Jolie's lead. Start taking your top off. Then, just when you really hit it big refuse to bare all ever again. Or, at least until the big checks stop coming and your roles dry up.
But, Jeremy Irons and Andy Garcia get no favor. Jeremy Irons has won an Academy Award, a Tony Award, a SAG Award, two Emmy's and two Golden Globes. Jeremy Irons plays one of the best bad guys in modern film. Not to mention the fact that he has been in such great films as Reversal of Fortune, Kafka, The French Lieutenants Woman and Dead Ringers.
Jeremy Irons has also been the bad guy in two Die Hard films. I have to imagine he still commands big checks and gets offered respectable roles. Bruce Willis makes careers. Just ask Mrs. Ashton Kutcher. That being said, Jeremy Iron's performance in Pink Panther 2 was the only solid performance in the film. Come on J-Dog, you won an Academy Award. Please don't end up the British version of Cuba Gooding, Jr. Don't go down that path. Look at what happened to Cuba's career after he made Chill Factor and Snow Dogs. Having been in Pink Panther you already have a "Chill Factor" under your belt. Don't let there be a "Snow Dogs" as well.
Now on to Andy Garcia. Andy, Andy, Andy. Where the hell did it all go wrong. Besides the fact that you are at least fifty pounds overweight your Italian accent was just as annoying and all together fake as Steve Martin's French accent. The embarrassing part of that sad fact is Steve Martin's is supposed to be ridiculous. Your accent in the movie was supposed to support your role as an Italian business man. I was sad for you and at times I even put my fingers in my ears like a child covering his eyes during the scary parts of a film. Your terrible rendition of an Italian accent was hard to listen to and seeing you fat is hard to watch.
You know what I think did in your career? That insanely terrible "direct to DVD" release you did in 2000, The Unsaid. Bro, you never make those movies. Not when you are Andy Freaking Garcia. You were in "Things To Do In Dever When You Are Dead, The Mean Season and The Untouchables. Even Hoodlum was a decent flick. Your role in The Pink Panther 2 has you on a slippery slope. Don't let Steve Martin throw you in the trunk of that car with him and Eddie Murphy. Eat a salad, hit the gym and get your shit together. You can do it.
Now to Lily Tomlin all I have to say is "I forgive you". Your acting career hasn't been the same since 1981 and a paycheck is a paycheck. I was really hoping that your role in the hilarious Orange County would resurrect your career, but sadly that didn't happen. I amn sure Pink Panther 2 was Steve Martin's way of helping out a friend.
In Pink Panther 2 Steve Martin uses the terms 'drab' and disgusting to 'describe' the woman he loves. In fact, Emily Mortimer is actually quite hot. The Pink Panther 2 movie however is quite drab and altogether a digusting film.
Steve Martin owes me money. In this terrible economy he should be ashamed of himself. Don't let Steve Martin steal from you too.
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