rDadsLife!

The line didn't look too long so I went ahead and parked.  Upon opening the front door and stepping inside I immediately let out my standard "Holy crap" and just shook my head in utter frustration.  I had been duped by the women sitting at the tables next to the line....not only do these women hunt in packs they order coffee in them as well.

Worse than the fact that each woman in front of me was holding a coffee list so long she may as well have been ordering coffee for the entire neighborhood, was the fact that the front of the line was at least 20ft from the nearest cash register.  What I mean is; the woman standing behind the person ordering had left at least a 20ft buffer between her and the woman ordering.  Don't get me wrong, men do this as well and this act of 'line buffering' is an epidemic.  Believe me, I have seen such nonsense at Peete's and The Coffee Bean.

Come on people, since when did ordering coffee become a confessional experience?  Seriously.  I have seen grown people look over their shoulder to check the crowd distance before leaning in and whispering their drink order to the Green Smocked register jockey who writes the order on a cup and could really care less what drink you (the customer) decides to chug down. 

I have also stood in the rain, outside of my local Starbucks because those same privacy obsessed, sugar guilt ridden people refuse to cozy up in line.  We don't mind standing shoulder to shoulder in a grocery store line or at a bar when ordering beers or fighting over who is going to jump on the grenade.  So can someone please explain to me why we can't listen in while strangers order coffee?  What is the big secret?  I could care less if you are a muscle head ordering Green Tea or some high powered exec ordering a Pumpkin Spice Latte...just get it done and get it done quick...(you sissy - Green Tea?  You know who you are dude....we all have seen you).

Regardless of the store, from Peete's to Starbucks, the act of ordering coffee has become a quiet, confessional type of experience.  If Starbucks could raise coffee prices another five cents I am sure they would figure out how to install 'order booths' so no one else in line could overhear as you lean in and say, "I'll have the venti, white chocolate, double frap with extra whip, three pounds of extra sugar, five extra shots of caffeine, bigger saddle bags, and the turkey bacon, low-fat cheese breakfast sandwich.  TO GO!"  The response would be, "Pay $25 and go with the Starbucks God my child."

What cracks me up is that once your coffee has been so secretly ordered, you now stand around waiting for some under paid, over hyped Barista (ie. pot smoking, cheeba monkey kid with concert T's under his polo and still lives with his parents) to YELL out your order across the entire store.  Way to keep it secret there chief....where's your 'hush hush' now Mr. Bond?

If you are ever at Starbucks and you are standing in line and the guy behind you cozies right up and gives you an "attaboy" while whispering in your ear that you probably shouldn't have that much sugar.....please turn around and say hello.

You'll know me by the crazed look in my eyes, the endless amounts of gray hair and the three kids in tow, "Hi."

YOU HEARD ME!