|
As my life goes it never fails that when I am in a hurry the world slows down and the general public loses what small sense of courtesy or sensibility it may have had. Case in point, the other day I ran into Albertson’s with six items in mind and a 20 minute time limit. My mission was simple; pick up margarine, Splenda, grapes, cherries, oranges and some frozen waffles for the boys. Grab those six things and then beat feet. No problem, right? Foolish me....
Typically I use the self check out line just as a way for me to forgo the standard pleasantries associated with standing face to face with a live checker. I really have no tolerance or patience for the standard issue, “Did you find everything you need?” and the subsequent “How are you today?” Does anyone actually answer these questions with any emotion? Could you imagine standing in front of the checker and responding with, “No, I couldn’t find half the shit I wanted and my day totally sucks. How’s yours?” No one would ever do that. So, the energy wasted in such trivial conversations aggravates the crap out of me (yes, I am the guy who sits down to get a haircut and never speaks to the stylist – I am the guy who gets a massage and never speaks to the masseuse – but I tip well).
Hence, the reason why I use the cumbersome self check-out line is so I can handle my business without having to make menial and emotionally void small talk with a person who in all likelihood could care less about me, my life or if I happened to find all the crap I needed during my shopping experience. You would think the grocery stores would start to give additional discounts to shoppers who utilize the self check-out. However I would think it safe to say the Grocery Store Union bosses would have something to say about that.
So there I was, standing in the Express line with my small gathering of items, my foot tapping nervously as I stood in line staring at my watch…and then it happened. Time slowed down and the woman in front of me suddenly lost all track of everyone else on the planet, shrinking the world to a space only she, her agenda and her screaming kid could occupy……
Somehow this woman and her small son had managed to fill two of the store's hand baskets well past the manufacturers recommended limit (maybe a cart would have helped, but no she would rather turn her son into a pack mule and load his ass up). And there she stood, pen in hand ready to write her check as the poor cashier waded through this woman’s insane amount of cookies, ice cream, hamburgers (well over the 15 item limit - apparently she doesn't care about the rules or other people) and coupons only to have one coupon turn up expired…and then the insanity ensued:
Checker - “Ma’am this coupon is expired.”
Inconsiderate Woman - “So.”
Checker - “So, I cannot apply it to your order. Do you have another one?”
Inconsiderate Woman - “No I don’t. Can’t you use that one?”
Checker - “No. The system rejects the coupon based on the bar code.” (This makes total sense to me…)
Inconsiderate Woman - “Well can’t you just type it in?”
Checker - “No, we have a new scanner and all coupons are tracked by it. I am sorry.” (So here this poor checker is now apologizing to a woman for something completely out of her control
Inconsiderate Woman - “Well, I find that to be unacceptable.”
Checker - “I am sorry.”
I am now staring at my watch….15mins in and 5mins to go…..the coupon is for 10 cents off toilet paper….my patience is now paper thin…..
Inconsiderate Woman - “Forget it.” (the woman concedes her coupon in defeat and is pissed)
Checker - “Again, I am sorry ma’am.” (once again this girl apologizes for no reason)
The checking resumes and the woman stands waiting, pen in hand. As if she were about to be cheated the woman stands watch over the progress of the checker like a drug lord standing over her naked drug packers, eyeballing their every move.
3mins to go….
Checker - “That will be $35.67.”
Before the pen hits the checkbook the woman looks at the checker, looks at her piled of bagged groceries, looks back at the check and says, “I am going to need a cart.”
Time is up…I am now in the red and about have an aneurysm…..
The young checker stares at the woman and then glances at me, she can easily tell by the look on my face I am about to go out of my god-damned mind. With that she races out of the store to fetch a cart for the woman who had just gone out of her mind over ten cents.
7mins in the red…my son is now going to be late for his baseball game…this single dad is going nucking futs.
The young checker returns with the cart, her face red and covered with sweat from her sprint across the store. She then frantically proceeds to load the insane woman’s groceries as the woman now writes her check to complete this ridiculously obnoxious transaction.
Check in hand the young cashier looks over at me and smiles as though this entire ordeal is now over…not by a long shot, honey.
As the checker kindly hands the woman her receipt the woman looks at her and says, “Do you have two quarters? My son wants a gumball from the machines and I only have mixed change?” (holy shit, here we go - the insanity coaster is locked, loaded and ready for its loops of death)
Register closed and her line of pissed off customers piling up the cashier looks at the woman and responds, “Ma’am if you would like to step to the side of the register stand and wait while I check out the next person in line I can make change for you when my draw is open again.” (score one for the young checker and sanity)
The woman does not move. She stands there, in line, her kid screaming for a gumball and says, “I would appreciate it if you would open your register and make change for me now. I have places to go.”
Once this insane woman received her quarters she gave the poor cashier the nastiest look. What insanity...
Thirty minutes late for my son's baseball, you know this single dad knows exactly where this woman can go…
YOU HEARD ME!!
Trackback(0)
 |
TrackBack URI for this entry
Subscribe to this comment's feed
. 