Let me explain. The idea that any person would actually stand in line for an average wait time of more than two hours just to get a free breakfast that retails for $5.99 is absolutely ludicrous. On the off chance that I was even drunk enough to actually hit a Denny's for breakfast if the wait time is more than "come on in and have a seat" I can promise you I am out the fucking door and on my way to Taco Bell. Denny's aint' Bobs Big Boy and there is no way in hell I am waiting more than 2 seconds to sit down and have some god damned eggs. So, if you have a job and you have the ability to actually pay $5.99 for a breakfast I have to imagine your time could be better spent doing anything other than waiting in line for two hours to get some free, fresh frozen hash browns which have been cooked in lard and some fat loaded sausages.
Or, maybe not. If you were sitting on your couch and saw the Denny's commercial while watching NASCAR or Pro Bass Fishing and instantly started thinking the only thing better than greasy sausages is free, greasy sausages then I would say go ahead and eat up chunk style. This Denny's promo is just for you! I am sure your love handles and the stitching on your Lee jeans can take it!! Forget the fact that you have a job and could walk into Denny's any day of the week and order some eggs without waiting. Standing in line for over two hours just to sit down and wait another hour for some free eggs and sausage is time well spent.
According to my local News station Denny's forked out more than 2 million free breakfasts today. And on a Tuesday from 6am to 2pm. No wonder the country is going to hell. I can guarantee you at least half of the jackasses who waited in line for two hours just to get a free $5.99 breakfast took time off work to do it. Try explaining to your wife or girlfriend or even the unemployment office that you got fired from your gig because your boss spotted your fat ass waiting in line for a free breakfast when you should have been at work. That is classic. How does that $5 breakfast taste now genius? Just do the math. You standing in line for 2 hours divided by a $5.99 breakfast worth .50 cents wholesale = you looking like a total ASSHOLE.
Next, I would like to give a huge shout out to the marketing crew at Denny's for pulling off such a coo on the American public and the entire Television and News industries. I can promise you that Denny's may have shelled out about 3 million on print ads and television spot in the Super Bowl, but in return they easily took in ten times that in free advertising. Every news station and radio station in my area was talking about the Denny's promotion from the first moment the original commercial hit the air. Not to mention the free air time Denny's received the day of the promotion. There wasn't a Denny's in the San Jose or San Francisco area that didn't have a line around the block and a news crew filming that line.
The guy (or gal) at Denny's who came up with this marketing plan is probably the only executive in America who I wouldn't want to kick in the balls for having a private jet. That guy (or gal) totally earned it. Can you just imagine two Denny's execs standing on the 18th green at their local country club with one of them turning to the other and stating, "Hey bro, I will bet you 50 large I can spend $3million on advertising and $1million on food and labor costs across the country while raking in $10million in free advertising and breaking even on food and labor costs." The other exec was probably like, "Shit bro, I will totally take that bet. Are you sure you don't want to make it a cool 100 large? Where's that caddy? I need another hand rolled, Cuban cigar."
The fact is, Denny's won't lose a dime on this promotion. With such a low cost of goods you can bet Denny's will probably shell out less than $1.50 per breakfast served. Now add in the fact that your average patron will shell out at least $1.50 to $2.00 on coffee, juice and or tea and the company is breaking even. Couple that with the outside chance that not every patron this Tuesday morning actually took advantage of the offer and went for the equally healthy Lumberjack or Denver Omlet and you can bet Denny's is going to make money on this deal.
Lastly, the executive at Denny's who put the "Approved" stamp on the free Grand Slam promotion should be fired. I understand the marketing genius behind the promotion, but giving free breakfasts to people who can afford to pay $5.99 for it is absolutely irresponsible. There are hundreds of thousands of homeless men, women and children in our country who don't have the ability to get to a Denny's or the courage it would take to stand in line at one in order to get that same breakfast as those people who could pay for it.
If Denny's truly wanted to take advantage of their marketing prowess they should have put a spin on that plan and gave the Grand Slams away for free with a dollar donation requirement and then pledged to match the donations dollar for dollar with all proceeds going to those families who have been affected by the current state of our impoverished economy. And don't tell me Denny's can't afford it. Bitch, please.
To take it even further, the executive group at Denny's should have just set up homeless meal shelters all over America and handed out free meals, coffee and water while asking the local people to stop by and drop off money, blankets, etc. Giving food to people who can afford to pay for it and creating a situation where people who should be at work are standing in line to get a free $5.99 breakfast is just disgusting.
There is no way Bob's Big Boy would have ever perpetrated such a sham.
YOU HEARD ME!!
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